Some moms just can’t help themselves from launching passive-aggressive jabs. It’s like they went to a secret academy for shade-throwing.
You bring home someone you love, and suddenly it’s a comparison game with the ex, or the neighbor’s kid who has a “real job.” Because with some moms, no family dinner is complete until someone’s pride gets sautéed and served.
One Redditor went to her boyfriend’s house for dinner but stayed for the roast, and not the kind you dip in gravy. The guy’s mom called her “a solid backup plan” to his flawless ex-partner. How fun.
More info: Reddit
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One woman gets called a “solid backup plan” by her boyfriend’s mom, who keeps complementing her son’s “flawless” ex
“Some men just want simple”: the woman is insulted by her boyfriend’s mom over dinner, while being compared to his “classy” ex
The woman tells her boyfriend’s mom not to call her a “backup plan,” but is told she’s being too sensitive
The OP (original poster), is a 24-year-old woman just trying to make a good impression on her boyfriend’s family. But there’s an obstacle: his mom. From the jump, she clearly wasn’t sending her warmest regards. Think chilly side-eyes, backhanded compliments, and the occasional reminder that she misses his ex. Yup, that happened at a family dinner.
The OP showed up all cute and dolled up, mentally prepped to eat lasagna and not her pride, only to get served a heaping plate of insults from her boyfriend’s mom. While praising the “class and polish” of her son’s ex, she turned to our poster and declared her a “solid backup plan.” As in, “You’re basic, but hey, at least you’re functional.”
If that wasn’t enough, she followed it up with a smile and the classic “I’m just teasing!”—the universal phrase of people who say offensive things but don’t want to be held accountable for them. But here’s where it gets rich, and not in a good way.
When the OP stood up for herself and politely asked not to be called a “backup plan,” she was met with a faux-innocent, “Don’t be so sensitive.” Because, of course, she’s the problem for having boundaries and basic self respect!
And what did the boyfriend do, you ask? Well, he basically did the emotional equivalent of shrugging into his soup. Awkward chuckles, zero spine, and a post-dinner lecture about how she overreacted and shouldn’t let his mom get to her. Dude, your mom verbally body-slammed your girlfriend at the dinner table—the least you could do is have her back.
Because having an unsupportive partner is definitely not fun. There’s nothing worse than being publicly humiliated and looking to your partner for support, only to find them blending into the furniture. A partner who doesn’t defend you might as well be handing out popcorn to the audience.
Support in a relationship isn’t just about grand gestures; it’s about having each other’s backs when things get uncomfortable. If your partner is MIA when you’re under fire, that emotional disconnect can make you feel isolated and insecure. Healthy relationships need teamwork, and that includes saying, “Hey, that wasn’t cool,” when someone disrespects your person, even if that someone is your mom.
Because some people just treat meddling like it’s their hobby and cardio all in one, throwing themselves into every conversation with “helpful” advice and snide remarks. These toxic meddlers often crave control and validation, and they use stirring the pot to feel important.
The best defense is to keep your cool and refuse to be baited. Set clear boundaries by calmly telling them that you’re not interested in drama. Limit how much you share with them, and don’t give them the satisfaction of a reaction. Sometimes, the silent treatment or pulling back from the relationship altogether sends the clearest message.
What do you think of this story? Did our poster overreact, or was the mom totally out of line? Drop your thoughts and comments below!
Netizens side with the woman, saying she’s not overreacting, and arguing over things will only get worse if she stays with her boyfriend
