From the very moment we’re born, we have to deal with authority in one way or another. Parents, teachers, bosses, and other figures with power over us keep telling us what to do and how to think, and at times, what they say isn’t even reasonable. Their words can be outdated, insulting, and just plain wrong. So, when a Reddit user asked everyone on the platform to share the worst things they’ve heard from someone “above” them, people responded with a lot of memorable stories.
#1
In 5th grade, I complained to a teacher about being bullied. She told me, “You’d make more friends if you got your nose out of that book every once in a while.” Ah yes, let’s discourage that nasty reading habit so that the mean girls will treat me better.
Of course, whether we respect or ridicule someone with power over us is influenced by more than just a single phrase they said. Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the “Everything Psychology Book.” She says that a variety of factors contribute to this decision, including:
Personal characteristics. Certain personality traits, including conscientiousness and agreeableness, have been linked to greater obedience to authority.Psychological distance. You may be more likely to obey an authority if the effects of your obedience feel distant, abstract, or unconnected to your life.Ambiguity or lack of information. In ambiguous situations, a person may be more likely to obey someone who seems to have more information than they do.Fear of consequences. Obedience often follows people’s fears of the consequences of disobedience. Children often obey partners or teachers, for instance, because they fear punishment or losing privileges if they disobey. #2
Boss was observing me one day while I was busy working and said, ‘So I pay you all this money just to push a few buttons’.
He was referring to my keyboard, so I fired back, ‘Yes, but it’s knowing which keys to press and when that’s important’….👍.
#3
The assignment was to circle or underline any words we didn’t know from a two or three paragraph short story (6th grade). I read the story, then approached the teacher’s desk and said that I understood everything. She told me it was impossible and to go try again.
I’m in my thirties now and this still makes my blood boil.
It can be difficult to openly call out the ridiculous things people “above” us say. However, John P. Schuster, who is an executive focusing on leadership and human development, says we, as individuals, “need to practice intelligent disobedience at the right time in a technocratic society when rules, often stupid and damaging rules, abound.”
“Many of us have had the thought that some of our fruitful developmental experiences came our way when we disobeyed the authority figures around us—’put down that guitar, don’t date that type of girl,’ and so on. Not all of them of course, as we also on occasion paid a heavy price for disobedient moves. But some of our moves in the opposite direction of obeying were truly the “right” things to do,” explains Schuster, author of The Power of Your Past: The Art of Recalling, Reclaiming, and Recasting and Answering Your Call: A Guide for Living Your Deepest Purpose.
#4
“I don’t give full stars because you can always improve”. I replied, “then it never matters how hard I work for you, because you just said it doesn’t matter”.
#5
My boss told me “you need to dress more appropriately, I’m sure Male colleague one and male colleague two appreciate it but I don’t.”
I was 29, she was nearly 50 and I was wearing regular shirts to work, absolute basic office wear. I came home and cried for hours because I couldn’t afford to buy new clothes and I didn’t understand why she’d said it as you couldn’t even see a bit of cleavage (and I didn’t even HAVE cleavage to talk about then)
I went to HR the next day and told them what she’d said. I remember the HR lady going “WHAT?!” and her eyebrows almost disappearing into her hairline. Within a week was moved from her dept. She then told everyone I’d accused her of being a bully so she’d had me moved (lies) and was a complete b***h to my replacement too.
14 years ago and it still makes me mad she thought it was an acceptable thing to say to me.
#6
I once got told I was not allowed to drink water in class. Their reason “because then I would have to let everyone do it”.
Yea you should let everyone do it.
According to Schuster, decades after the Milgram and Stanford prison studies, it’s no surprise that social conditions can reshape our moral stances and personal dispositions.
Bad actors can manipulate even the values we see as foundational to society. The dark side is never far off—so it’s crucial to pay attention to the nonsense that comes out of other people’s mouths, especially from those “above” us.
#7
“Don’t write it down!”
My boss, after yelling/demanding to know why I was submitting 2 hrs of OT every week for over a month.
I was having to stay late *every* day past my shift (more than 2 hours weekly) because my coworker was at *least* 15 minutes late to work every day and I wasn’t supposed to leave until they showed up. Rather than tell my coworker to come in on time, he opted for me just working and not getting paid OT.
I told him, “No problem.” From that day on, I simply left on time regardless of what was happening. A month of that, and suddenly, my boss found a way to tell my coworker to get their a*s in on time so shifts were completely covered.
#8
When I was about 20, I told my line manager that I’d like to go for a promotion opportunity I’d been made aware of but would mean moving to a different office. There was at the time no way to “apply” for promotions, and they didn’t involve interviews. If they wanted you, they promoted you, or moved you sideways, but you’d generally always make a “soft” declaration of whether you were interested or not.
He answered me in a rather blasé manner to say there’s no point, because he’d already spoken to the area director, and that I would be staying put for the time being. I asked why, and he answered “because I need you here”
I was getting to the point where I was more able to stand up for myself, and I asked him if he “really had” blocked a promotion for me, just because it suited him?
I went over his head and was promoted within a couple of weeks.
#9
My boss, whose mother tongue was not English, told me that my written English was poor. (I am a native English speaker.) I asked him what he meant and he was not able to explain or give examples. He had this pleasant habit of correcting me when I was right. For example, one time, in a team meeting, I used the phrase “beck and call”. He interrupted me and said “It’s ‘beckon call'”.
#10
4th grade art teacher. “No blue wolves, no Pokemon, no comics. Just make normal art or I’m going to fail you.”
Art class was supposed to be where I could have fun learning. She made sure I understood that was not the case. I still struggle to do anything my brain can tie to the word “art” more than twenty years later because I genuinely gave up after her class.
#11
I was in 6th grade, and my math teacher put an advanced problem on the board. She said whoever was the first to do it correctly and show their work wouldn’t have to do homework for a week. I hated homework and jumped on this opportunity.
I finished the problem and brought it up to her desk. She checked it out and told me, “you got the correct answer, but you did your work our horizontally instead of vertically. It’s supposed to be vertical, so I can’t give you the homework pass.”.
#12
“You have the potential to be a good nurse”. After being a combat medic, paramedic and now a nurse for 8 years. Get out.
#13
“look for stuff, but not too hard”
We were in-house environmental officers for an engineering company doing environmental impact assessments to make sure building projects weren’t going to be damaging to local wildlife etc.
I found out that the construction company had destroyed a whole Badger set and “accidentally” k****d a few of the animals in the process. Highly illegal here.
#14
My dad recommended taking my own life to me when I was a young teenager. I wasn’t infuriated at the moment, but as I processed the gravity of it, over time, it became infuriating.
#15
Wrote a paper for an essay during my first year of undergrad; professor tells me “bad argument, unsubstantiated,” and marks me down.
Next lesson, he quotes my essay, word-for-word, and says he “came up with it” when “reading his material.” I left that class, and never watched the recordings/attended in person. I passed, yes (got the Aussie equivalent of an A), and I just found out he’s done this to other students/did it to other students.
We complained, but “you’re only students,
you don’t know anything.” F**k you, Mr A.
#16
A very long time ago I had a manager say in a meeting that everyone needed to stop acting so selfish because “nobody here is irreplaceable. Get some perspective.” Then a bit later he was replaced for sleeping with a teenager.
I still get a good laugh every time I remember it.
#17
“What of thos tasks has the highest priority?”
“Everything has the highest priority.”
Well great that means *nothing has* and I get to choose by what task I feel like doing right now, got it.
No, I don’t have that ticket done yet, I was working on another high priority task, remember?
#18
“You’re acting like a d**g a****t” coming from my parents who put me on narcotics at 9 years old because I was an inconvenience.
Yes, I am acting like a child on m**h, because I’m a child…on m**h. Turns out amphetamines don’t cure ASD1.
#19
When I was 17 I was working as office assistant – doing mail, typing, watching reception, making deliveries; stuff like that. We also held weekly fancy lunches for up to 12 clients for which I collected, plated and served the formal catering (three courses then coffee) and cleaned up afterwards (which could take hours in a tiny kitchen sink). The boss came into the kitchen after one of these lunches to get a drink from the fridge and asked how I was doing. I said “we need a dishwasher”. His response was “that’s what you are”.
This was also the 60+ year old guy who couldn’t remember my name so called me “the one with the t**s”. 😐.
#20
When I was in my first year of teaching, my school screwed me over by giving me an unqualified mentor. This meant I would’ve had to redo a year of training (I appealed and won). I ended up resigning and my principal said within ear shot “she doesn’t know how good she has it here”. Absof**kinglutely not.
ETA: the next school I taught at… my dad ended up in hospital fighting pneumonia and we were told not to leave the area because doctors didn’t think he’d make it. Principal knew all this information “we’re not giving you any more time off” spoiler: he survived and I decided I was done with teaching due to d*******g principals.
#21
You just need to focus on my subject, I don’t care about how you do on others – my 8th grade teacher.. I still kinda hate her.
#22
“Work harder or find a different job”
In response to being asked for a COL adjustment. Tried the ‘work harder’ route, eventually found a different job at a 125% raise.
#23
As a server, a s****y restaurant manager overloaded me (and my colleagues) with too many tables, I told the hostess I couldn’t take another until I at least got the order in for a 12-top…he confronts me and says “when you’re given a table, you have to take it!” To which I try to reason with him by asking if I should let my other tables wait unnecessarily long to have their orders taken, and he interrupts me with “you take the tables, end of story! End of story!”
Service suffered that night, and many more nights under his supervision. He was eventually fired for his incompetence.
#24
I was an assistant golf pro in California at the time. I told my head golf pro that I wanted to be a golf pro in Hawaii, and he told me that was a pipe dream. Like who says that?
I ended up being a golf pro on cruise ships that sailed the Hawaiian islands, and eventually on a yacht that sailed the globe, which was better than my original dream.
#25
HS Teacher saying that i can t do maths as a girl – even after becoming second of the whole country in a maths competition. When my parents told him thats impossible he said my achievement was ‘just luck’ and ‘i guessed the right answers’… yeah right.
#26
“My expecting is that you should always exceed expectations so I cannot give you an exceeds expectations ranking because you’re simply meeting my expectations”.
#27
“Are you sure you are having an asthma attack and not just running away from your bullies?” Said a teacher (principal to be exact) at school.
To visibly out of breath, shaking (due to Salbutamol) and sweaty me. No I wasn’t avoiding them, they weren’t in my class, yes I was on puff 10 of inhaler still worsening until I was taken to the ER.
#28
“You don’t have that symptom, you haven’t been diagnosed with that disorder.”
Mother, I regret to inform you that executive dysfunction is indeed a symptom of the ADHD you insisted I had, and got me diagnosed for. But my mother never admitted she was wrong so I got into a several day beef with a grown woman over this, before realizing I was wasting my time and just ignoring her. It just joined a looooong list of medical gaslighting.
Also, executive dysfunction isn’t unique to ADHD? This woman is so deep in denial, I’d have to cough a tonsil stone into the palm of her hand before she’d believe I have one.
#29
“I don’t like the sticky notes on your files. They’re too big, also you need to use this blue pen from now on. Not black.” The sticky notes were for me to remind myself of what I had done in the auditing process. Once it was ready to hand off I removed the notes. She was the ultimate micro manager.
#30
‘it’s all in your head’ – mental health commission (I walked away with a paper that read ‘fully mentally healthy’).
#31
“Women shouldn’t be in management, they don’t make good leaders.” – my female lead.
#32
I was once fired even though he agreed my work was fine, but I had said I was there (waiter job while in grad school) for the money. He wanted people who were there for the company. It was a british themed chain restaurant. It was dumb I just laughed and left.
#33
Today I was told I don’t show initiative and then in the next sentence complained I set up a bunch of monitors without asking him.
Same guy I complained to about my team mate doing my work without telling me hence wasting my time. He said it’s my fault and I need to communicate to him a lot better.
I love my job and the people I support but f**k I hate my IT team mates.
#34
My manager:
“We’re not that far behind. You and [coworker] just need to work harder”
This was a year ago. And we’re still behind.
#35
Management wanted us to report everything and be very mindful of health and safety and keep accurate paperwork.
I did and always reported everything to auditors as I am required.
Management later fired me for gross misconduct without warning. I hit and exceeded all my targets and even helped out other departments regularly once I had the time.
I did not interact with other employees or behave inappropriately either. They just hated my reporting and I blew the whistle on them doing illegal practices. We made fire doors for reference and the big boss only cared when his boss stopped by and saw us do it.
Edit:
For further context I was also groped/s****************d by a coworker on multiple occasions and management was uninterested either.
Genuinely one of the worst companies in the UK, it’s a shame they make fire doors.
#36
I was musing about why so many guys targeted me for sexual harassment (nothing too serious, but it was annoying) and my mom said “probably because you have that ring in your nose.”
Great. Victim blamed by my own mother because she doesn’t like my facial piercings.
She also once told me I wouldn’t get into the college I wanted to go to because I dyed my hair black… I’m not sure what one thing has to do with the other? And the college doesn’t see you when you apply?
Oh, and if you bring any of this up later, she’ll just say it never happened. No idea if she actually forgot or just doesn’t want to own up to it. Other people with boomer parents can probably relate.
#37
“Man up and tough it out” as my 9 year old self was having an asthma attack triggered by cold winter air outside while stacking firewood. Finally got done enough with that to be able to go back inside to the warm house to get my breathing under control the best I could while dad chain smoked cigarettes in the house and got drunk. It took another three years to figure out that smoking in the house probably wasn’t the best idea with an asthmatic kid.
Yes, I am a very independent person now. Very, very independent.
#38
A boss I had once said that I only had been accepted to college and gotten good grades because I am not white.
I remember crying in my car in the parking lot at work for a long time before I finally felt strong enough to drive myself home.
I worked so hard to get to and through college–had a 4.0 until my junior year, was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, won multiple academic+merit scholarships, and even an international research award… but yeah, totally all because of reverse racism or whatever.
#39
I tried to talk to my mom about some of the a**se I suffered as a child and my mom told me “I was making it up and that i only was saying i was a**sed to make her feel bad.”.
#40
I had a part time job at a grocery store when I was studying. Our idiot boss did not seem to understand that I prioritized school over the underpaid job at the hellhole of a store. I told him way in advance that I could not work on a specific day because that was the day of my exams, and that I could not take on any extra work that week. And of course he assigned me work almost every day that entire week. Including the day I said that I had to have off. He refused to listen to any of what I said, and none of the other people I worked with bothered helping. In the end I had to fake an illness to be able to complete my exams.
The boss eventually got fired by his superiors after he suddenly disappeared completely for 6 months. He tried to blame it on diabetes.
#41
You don’t sound happy enough – from a foreman. I was the only woman on the crew and the only one to get comments like this. I retaliated by using my best Alicia Silverstone Clueless imitation whenever he spoke to me.
#42
The owner of a company I worked for told me to sell a particular product to a client. The client was our biggest and had explicitly told me they do not want that product in advance. I made the pitch based on what the boss said. The client changed to a new supplier and our company folded not long after.
#43
I was at school. Teacher was acting all high and mighty. Like, “oh, you didn’t ask to go to the bathroom? Marked absent.: that kind of high and mighty. So I said “oh, well I guess I should’ve just pissed in a bottle so I didn’t leave without permission” so the teacher said “I am your teacher, you have to do as I say because I am better than you”.
#44
Remember to be thankful we have a job here.
#45
My 10 year old son can do that
This was logistics coordination and tracking.
#46
My husband used to work for a place that would tell him to think about what his daughter would feel if he kept causing trouble and got fired. We don’t have children at all, much less a daughter.
#47
My teacher in elementary school used to encourage us to go outside and fight
cops always telling me what I did, why I did it, how I’m feeling, how nobody’s going to believe me over them
my boss not understanding why a running track is staggered
my mom telling me she wishes i was never born.
#48
When I did QC for a company that made parts for aircraft. When in doubt, ship it out. Their reasoning, it was the end of the month and they wanted the numbers to look good and if something was wrong, their receiving inspector would kick it back. I quit right after that.
#49
My manager: “I know that’s the rules but this is me telling you”
My Boss asking me to break the rule they themselves implemented three weeks earlier because of the consequences.
Same Manager: “We can’t just force that task on them, that’s not how it works”
When I asked why we couldn’t return responsibility of a task to another group, that they forced on us, when we were severely understaffed.
#50
I was a hostess at around 16. Server told me a table needed a manager so told manager and found out she accidentally ended up giving me the wrong table number, resulting in him going to a different table and ended up yelling at me in front of customers for “embarrassing himself and making him look r*tarded”.
#51
Working for a company in London :”Don’t hire someone with an accent. You know N (one of the owners) doesn’t like accents”.
“But I have an accent!”
“Oh, with you it’s different…”.
#52
U may have good grades, but you’re dumb
-Granny.
#53
“Your parents *do* actually own you” said the attack therapist paid for by my a*****e (now estranged) mother. Attack therapy is a non-evidence based “modality” b*********d from similarly debunked dog training, based on abusing children into compliance.
#54
“He’s fine now.”
Said to me by my mother *every single time* I tried to tell her about the latest unhinged thing my father did and that I was scared he was going to snap and k**l me. After a while I just gave up trying.
#55
Had a new Bar manager when I was a Bar Supervisor had been running the bar single handedly for over 6months waiting for a new manager.
When he came in I was told to stop doing what I do to run place efficiently, so I did. After a while I went on holidays for 2 weeks and when I got back the first thing he told me was
‘Please… fix everything…’.
#56
Basically if they don’t take you seriously and believe lies about you, it does hurt.
I had a former Vice Principal (?) accuse me of being a d**g a****t because I missed a lot of school. He screamed at me in his office and was absolutely disrespectful. I was a teenager at the time…who had never even done a d**g in my life. Not even marijuana. I’d heard stories about this man and they all seemed crazy. Then I had my own experience with him.
If he’d literally….just cared enough to ask why I missed so much school instead of being so judgmental, I could have received the help I needed much faster.
In the end, he did help me. Got me into an alternate program where I needed to be. But not before he absolutely judged me.
#57
My boss was ordering me things to do from the other side of the restaurant and when I asked what? he walked away because he didn’t hear me (obviously) just like I couldn’t hear him because he was literally on the other side of the restaurant. So a few minutes later he was like did you do the thing I asked you? and I said no I didn’t hear what you said and he said “then you should listen better” and I said “its not about not listening its about the fact that I just couldn’t hear you” and he said “God you’re always so arrogant” I was so shocked he could say something like that to his employee. Later I apologized for being smart in the hopes he would apologize for calling me arrogant and he said it was fine and it was just the heat of the moment without ever acknowledging what he said.
#58
Telling me to do something while I’m already doing it/on my way to do it. Makes the petty part of me immediately not want to do it.
“You need to clean up this mess.”
*me, holding the freshly-soaked mop:* “Well, now I don’t want to.”.
#59
“Find a boyfriend while you are in university. After you graduate men will be intimidated by your success and you will end up a spinster”. This from an uncle who deemed himself as progressive (facepalm). He did mean well but what a way to show it. Needless to say his advice was not taken.
#60
I have adhd and autism. I get overwhelmed quite quickly in a public setting. I said this to my boss as I was starting to fall into a panic attack. She said “it’s okay everyone feels like this.”
I’m literally having a panic attack because I have to mask at work and it’s exhausting and my mask was starting to slip.